Carol H Tucker Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan
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beladona Memorial Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...
I am alone and lonely Losing my hair, ankles swelling, body aching when I try to move. The job is uninspiring and the budget is tightening.
The quiet echoes I look at the turmoil and tempest swirling around For the moment here is calm and peace The hatches are as batten down as they are going to get Maybe it is just time to enjoy the respite
and appreciate the solitude for now at least and I turn
"No man is happy who does not think himself so." — Publilius Syrus
For years, I described myself as a "foul weather friend". Why? Because people tend to turn to me when there are problems, looking for solace, support and even solutions -- but when things get better for them, I don't hear from them any more. I thought it was the opposite a "fair weather friend", instead of being someone who was only around when things were going well, I got to be around when things were going poorly. It used to really bother me that folks didn't seem to mind sharing the dismal part of their lives but then failed to share the sunshine. But in a way, I found it flattering and it met my need to be needed even if I didn't understand why I wasn't necessary when things were going well.
In the discussion with Dannah, which was some months ago, she pointed out that wasn't a very flattering term, and as a result, I actually GOOGLED it. What I read really troubled me, made me question the value of what I was doing. I do not and did not enjoy hearing about other's woes in order to make me feel better about myself and my life. That discussion still haunts me -- why do I become a listener? Why do I try and stay in touch with those who seem to need me but fail to be in touch when their load ligthens? Is it a martyr complex? I am not an emotional vampire, but do I appear to be one to others? Why do I care? And what does it mean to me when someone turns away from me because I cannot give them what they need?
This gets mixed up and mixed in with reflections about what my purpose in life is and questions on whether or not I have accomplished it. Kit once told me that perhaps she had already filled her purpose just by happening to give a piece of paper to someone that changed their lives. Frank once told me that he wondered if his whole purpose was to have been there and saved the life of the 21 year old girl one tragic night on the Baltimore Beltway. What was my purpose in being here? Is it over and done with and I am just living out the term of my days?
And the last part of the reflection/question: not that long ago, I was a restless soul, always having to DO something, never still, never a "stay at home" person but always out and about. Weekends were BORING if there wasn't a craft show or a movie, or go walk around the mall, or go out and take a drive, or go for a walk, or call a friend, or find something to DO and somewhere to GO.... Yesterday I had off from work, and after I finished with the car maintenance it was only 10:30AM -- plenty of time to do something.... Ideas occurred to me and not one appealed. So I went home.
Lately I have been choosing to just stay home a lot, and do nothing, sitting and petting the cat and reading. I don't even sew or embroider anymore when I watch TV. I thought it was because I have been depressed, but it has occurred to me that perhaps I am just... done. Done rushing around. Done listening to troubles. Done struggling not to be invisible. Maybe I should be grateful for what I have at this point, accept what is for what it is instead of dwelling on what it isn't. Maybe I just need to relax -- and be quiet. Certainly life seems to be presenting me with that challenge -- health, finances, relationships are all pointing in that direction.
"You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts; And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime." -- Kahil Gibran, The Prophet
All my long life, I have been a talker, a questioner. Can I learn to be still? Without withering away or vegetating or stagnating? I LIKED the image of me as a sprite, as one who strives and dances with doubts, as a survivor. Can I learn to be quiet and to like it, even celebrate it?
To quote Bilbo Baggins, "It is no bad thing to celebrate a quiet life."
When I hear those three words, I cringe. When they are said to me, it is an indication that something is wrong, that my behavior has changed to the point that people who don't even know me very well notice. When I am quiet, when I stop communicating and/or asking questions, that means I am disengaging. It is also a symptom of depression. It means that I don't feel necessary anymore. One of the worst things that someone can do to me is to refuse to communicate; silence is a potent punishment. Walking away in the middle of an argument will set me into a frenzy. And one of the few things that will flick my "DONE" switch instantly is to have the phone slammed down in my ear in the middle of a heated conversation.
In each relationship, there is a degree of emotional investment. In working relationships, we invest just enough to "get along", to be effective [winces and sighs, then leaves the stupid buzz word in place]. With acquaintances and social mavens, we invest a little bit more, trying to be friendly. And with friends, lovers and family we invest a great deal. I visualize it as a series of nested circles: the core that is truly intimate, the next that knows you well and you are vulnerable to and with, the next ring that are friendly but are not known or knowing as deeply, the next that are acquaintances and then the universe of everyone else.
With each layer of relationship, there comes a time when a choice must be made -- a choice to continue to engage, to continue to open up to the other person, to continue to care. Sometimes the choice is to become more engaged, to communicate more, to trust more, to be with someone more, to deepen and broaden the connection. Sometimes the choice seems to be made by default -- interests change, folks move away, time constraints intervene and you just lose touch. Sometimes the choice is concious and deliberate to disengage -- a line is drawn because a boundary is needed, a decision is made that the relationship is more trouble than it is worth, a choice to allocate finite resources of time and attention elswhere.
When someone chooses to be quiet with me, I really struggle with my reaction, flailing about trying to get my balance. My first reaction is concern: are they okay? did something happen? What can I do to help? Then I question myself: what did I do wrong? How did I give offense? why didn't I meet their needs? I want to contact, justify, explain, console, understand, change the behavior to something I am more comfortable with.... And at last, I grieve and accept the different level of intimacy because it is not within the realm of my control -- expectations change as relationships develop over time.
A personal story: When Grandmom Hughes was alive, she expected me to call her every single day because that was the relationship we had. Once she became an adult, my daughter and I had to work on what the expectations were of contact between the two of us -- she felt that talking to me every day or even every other day was unreasonable and intrusive. It was an emotional time, but we weathered it, and she has the distance that she wanted and needed. I had to accept that she just doesn't need or want her mother around as much. It does not mean that we love each other less and it is geuinely okay.
One thing that I have had to learn about myself is that I do not deal with boundaries well. I have also learned that I do not always accurately project the acceptance that I truly feel, that questions can impact others as judgemental just by asking. Another, taught by two divorces, is that hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. And last, I have had to learn that my reactions are my problem, not the other person's and that they do not have to deal with them. And I have had to make a series of commitments to myself: I will not rail and hammer at them. I will not demand explanations or spout constant self-justifications in the name of closure. And I will not betray what trust or confidence that had been given by talking about the other person.
I have problems letting those I have cared about and opened up to go, but I will....
Today is the third Sunday in June and the US is celebrating Fathers' Day. It is a time devoted apparently to golf and cookouts and supporting the manufacturers of ties -- according to GOOGLE, searches on on "father's day ties" is up 22 percent since 2010, and 26 percent since 2009 [maybe that is why the doodle has a tie?]. Some feel that the day for dads pales in comparison to the celebrations for mothers; the men I work with commented that they just wish Fathers' Day came before Mothers' Day so that when their wives ask them what they want for their day, they can ask to be "off the hook" for Mothers' Day.
It is a bit of a sad day for me -- not because my own father is gone, not because I am a widow [after all, Frank wasn't my father!] -- because neither of my kids celebrate it. Neither of them have fond memories of their fathers from their childhood, and both have made the choice not to associate with the men as adults. Tom simply ignores his father and his step-father, not responding if they contact him. Gem and her father haven't been speaking for almost two years now, and he was not invited to her wedding.
In jest I have commented in the past that I had poor taste in men and it took me three times to get it right. Neither Bob nor Chuck were bad or evil, I just couldn't live with them... Bob was described in a Baltimore Sun article from 2004 once as "snarky, irascible and completely unapologetic" and that is a pretty good description of him I think. The article goes on to point out his strong dedication to handicapped rights and what he has [or hasn't] accomplished. Bob makes a good gadfly. He is married again and I have no idea how he is living since he never paid attention to anything mundane like money. Chuck? I can't find anything about him online, but he was a hard worker and very savvy about his personal finances. He is retired and living alone now. Couldn't find a picture of either of them online -- but then again, I could only find four of me when I did a casual search!
I was not close to my father, and yet the family always felt that I was much like him both in temperment and appearance. He was gone by the time I was in Junior High and our relationship was tenuous at best afterwards. He was a volatile, friendly, passionate man who worked hard and played hard and laughed readily. He was also born under a wandering star, had a problem with telling the truth, was always looking for a way to make a quick buck and a bit of a black sheep. I loved him and I know that he loved me, but we never did come to a resolution and make our peace. When he was dying, he stayed in Idaho and it was my uncle who went to be with him at the end. While I thought Ward Cleaver was a pain in the butt, I keenly felt that lack of a male role model in my life and I had hoped that my children would have strong caring fathers who would be their support and bulwark against the world. On Fathers' Day, I always wonder if I should call my son and my daughter and apologize to them.
I can remember the exact occasion that I found out I had one. I was sitting in a counselor's office at Towson [back then it was Towson State, not TSU] and crying because my mother and I had another one of our horrible soul-dissecting battles and there wasn't much left of my shivering ego, so I had crawled into this poor woman's office to have someone to boohoo at. I was going on and on about the expectations of my family, of my mother, what she said... And the counselor asked me: but what do you want? My head snapped up, the tears stopped and I rather forcibly stated MY expectations. She didn't have to say a thing after that, the session was over. Two weeks later I left my mother's house and never went back.
I can remember the exact occasion that I learned flicking the "done" switch was an irrevocable choice.
My first husband was not handsome -- he was short, skinny and had a back covered with moles. But he was a great kisser and even though he hurt me when I lost my virginity, I was wildly in love with him and loved making love... One night we had a horrible fight, I don't remember what precipitated it. I do remember him standing with his back to me and stating that he thought I wanted him for stud service. I looked at him and laughed and told him not to worry, I wasn't all THAT enamored of his wonderful physique. I turned away from him, all desire lost and we turned out the light... Yes we had sex in later days, except the desire never came back. The switch had been flicked "off" and off it stayed. We were separated and divorced a year later.
And the done switch has been used on me
I once had a girl friend who invited me to lunch after about a year of "trying to stay in touch". She very nicely pointed out to me that friendships did not always last forever, and that I was particularly bullheaded in not taking "gentle hints". She was not at all happy about having to formally "break up" with me, declined to go into the details of her decision, and suggested strongly that I work on being able to accept rejection. Not sure I ever learned that lesson -- which of course means that life has considerately provided me with more opportunities for education! I have not learned how not to blame myself or how not to try and force closure. I have learned not to acquire bitterness and am working on indifference, which is the true opposite of love/affection, neh?
As the years passed, I came to a couple of basic conclusions:
We each are the sum product of the choices that we have made. I have no regrets and no apologies for how I have lived my life and I don't expect anyone else to feel as though they have to justify how they have lived their lives, not to me and not to anyone else.
I am fascinated by people who are different than me, who have stories to tell. I ask questions. I try to be supportive, not intrusive; a friend or lover, not a fan. I find it easier to listen than to talk about myself; I respond to need.
Trust is a choice that needs must be made every day. I choose to trust my friends; I work very hard to be trustworthy.
quote of the day: "Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears." -- Marcus Aurelius
Not all relationships are good for you, even ones with people you like, and sometimes you just have to move on. There is no easy way to end a relationship of any kind. Done is done -- perhaps it is not the breaking up, but the letting go that is hard to do, Neil....
Poor Joe -- nicest guy you would ever know but just plagued with bad luck that seemed to follow him around so persistently that it could be seen as a lingering small raincloud that perptually rained on him and only him. More than bad luck though, the constant gloom dampened Joe's spirits, making him glum and antisocial and pessimistic as he peered out from underneath at the world around him.
It is a powerful image and more than one person has used it to explain or illustrate depression, unhappiness, despair, sadness, downheartedness, misery, hopelessness, melancholy, dejection, gloominess, despondency, dolefulness, being down in the dumps, low spirits, the blues, the hump [if you are British]
The National Mental Health Information Center at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services lists numerous triggers -- apparently even for someone who has been formally diagnosed, there is no one cause. Here are five:
Interpersonal friction
Feeling overwhelmed or having too much to do
Being judged or criticized
Ending a relationship
Physical illness
It would appear that older people are increasingly dealing with the empty feelings that go along with depression The reasons are diverse, but include lonliness, medical problems, medication for those problems, and economic difficulties. I list those in particular because I think that they are the ones haunting me.
Well-being: I really don't mind living alone anymore -- I have gotten kinda used to the independence -- but it sure would be nice to be needed/necessary again. I am delighted that my daughter has a girlfriend that can go to craft shows with her and I miss the days when she would call her mother to hang out with her. I like and crave male company both in RL and SL, but dangnabit, I don't want to chase them -- I want them to chase me!
Health: I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I could deal with going bald, but the swelling in my ankles really upsets me. Not only does it look awful, but I cannot wear most of my shoes and it hurts to walk. I am struggling everyday to convince myself just to move much less exercise and losing weight seems all but impossible. And when I go to the doctor? He listens to me, tells me that I should wear support hose [a girdle for my legs] and orders blood work that I have to agree to pay $351 for.
Economic reality: I am lucky and I have a job that pays decently with a boss who actually tries to care for his workers. My basic needs are covered... As long as I keep working. There is no buffer; like so many others, i live from one pay to the next. I lose this job, or get sick, and I cannot keep paying my bills, The 401K never recovered from the stock debacle of 1999 much less this current one and now they are talking about eliminating Social Security. At 41 that all didn't worry me; at 61 one it is starting to be a concern. It would appear that like too many others, my retirement plan is to work until I die, win the lottery, or be a burden.
Three strikes...
But I am trying very hard not to be out. Crying, bitching at friends and having to apologize, not answering emails, trying not to have tough conversations right now, ignoring the unpacking, burying my nose in a book ... but not to give up.
"stuff" on the home page that your eye kinda skims past, neh?
I have all kinds of different widgets on my iGoogle page -- they call them Gadgets actually -- that I have added. Some of them are just kinda "there" and I don't pay much attention to them: the WordMonkey translator, for example, or the Dictionary.com Word of the Day. Some of them I check regularly: The Daily Galaxy. DIGG. This Day in History. Top Stories. And some are just there if I happen to glance at them: Daily Literary Quote. Disney Character of the Day. How to of the Day.
The wikiHow pages can be fun -- some of the "How to"s are pretty silly or make you blink:
how to make a bucket list how to respect yourself during a breakup how to know if a girl likes you how to hard boil an egg how to be happy
There is a saying that when you fail to learn a lesson, life keeps trying to teach you again and again. I have been stewing lately and this comes as a timely reminder. It is a good article -- and I now have something to think about. Thank you, wikiHow!
The report came out today - according to CoreLogic (NYSE: CLGX), over 1/5th of the homeowners have mortgages, first and second, that total more than the current value of their property. This is a HUGE problem and a drag on the economy as the mortgage lenders are reeling.
How did this happen? Well to find the root cause, we have to get in the wayback machine with Mr. Sherman and Peabody -- back to Reaganomics.
You see, someone convinced Congress and the President that the middle-class Americans were not paying enough in the way of taxes to finance the bills that were running up the defecit. What to do? Reagan had promised not to increase the income tax after all. So, some smart accountant pointed out that millions of dollars were being claimed in exemptions for interest paid on personal loans [credit cards and auto loans being the two largest categories]. Eliminate that exemption and the amount of taxable income would shoot up without actually raising taxes. In 1986, the the passage of the Tax Reform Act wiped out those deductions as part of the restructuring, It also lowered the highest tax bracket from 50% to 28%, but that is another story, neh?
The elimination of the deduction was phased in over three years -- the only consumer debt where the interest paid continued to be decductable were loans against your primary residence. It didn't take long before the first home equity loans became popular -- pledging the difference between the appraised value of your home minus the principal still owed on your first mortgage. So let's say you bought your house for $250K and let's say your lender stuck to the old 80% LTV, so your house when you bought it appraised at $312,500. After five years, the principal is probably still about $245K -- but back in the day, your appraised value might have shot up to $400K. At a LTV of 80%, you now have an available equity of $75K.
It was like found money! You can afford to get braces for the kids, and dancing lessons too. You could buy a car and deduct the interest again. You could send your kids to a better college instead of taking out student loans. You could go on vacation and take that trip of a lifetime. You could put a pool or a deck on the house. You can pay for the nursing home for Grandmom. You can make the monthly payments. You can actually live a little bit better....
There was a lot of competition amongst lenders to get this business. After all, the car or credit card payment may not be made but people pretty much always paid their mortgages! So you take out a second mortgage for $75K, and now you owe $320K on your house. But wait, if you shop around you can find another lender willing to let you pledge 90% of the current appraised value of your home -- and fold in all the settlement costs so it doesn't cost you a thing -- after all, property values are shooting up -- and you can get a third mortgage for another $40K!
And now you owe $360K on this property
And then all the bubbles burst. The appraised value plummets to $300K. You cannot sell your home because you cannot pay off the liens with the proceeds of the sale. And you are now in default of the terms and conditions of your loans, which require you to have adequate collateral.
The lender in this situation is not at all in good shape either.
Problem #1: according the regs, the LTV on mortgage lending is 80%. If the borrower is over that, then they have to buy PMI [private mortgage insurance] to protect the LTV. [There are all kinds of rules and regulations about having to monitor the LTV so that when the loan amount is below 80%, the PMI is stopped, by the way but that is another topic for another day]
Problem #2: even if you are paying as agreed, the regs say that if the collateral for your loan is insufficient to cover the principal balance, then your loan's risk rating has to be downgraded. The formulas are complicated, the upshot is that the lender will have to take a higher percentage of money out of cash and put it into the reserve account for the life of your loan.
Needless to say, the amount of capital available to make new loans grows less -- and the housing market stutters to a standstill. and the economic recovery stalls with it.
It was a quiet three-day weekend. I stayed in the apartment, in the AC as the temperatures soared. SyFi had a Star Trek movie marathon -- even though they didn't play them all, re-played a couple for the second and third days, nor did they stick to the order after ST IV, it was still fun. I realized that I have to beef up my collection -- somehow I missed the DVD for V and VI. Anyway, I had the TVs tuned to SyFi while I puttered about, doing things that I have been ignoring for far too long, things that had to be taken care of before I can start unpacking again.
Work will be busy today -- end of month. My cohort, the underwriter, is on vacation. Even though it is a short week, Friday will be very very welcome.
Yesterday I attended the annual mandatory HR training on harassment [insert tired comments and bad jokes here], watching the same video RP as always. One of our equity partners take care of these HR things for us, so it was quite a large number of people in attendance. PBS was there as a group; we didn't have to go to the BSA training that was held earlier, so we were sitting off to the side. The group in front of us were the "rowdy element" -- you know the type: popular, too cool to listen, texting and goofing around during the admittedly boring presentation.
After the talk and video, a test was handed out. All of the tests with perfect scores were going to be passed up and would be eligible for a drawing for a prize. The questions on the three-page test were actually rather thoughtful and you had to think in order to answer correctly. Most of them were examples of problems that might crop up in the workplace and gave you choices on how you would handle it.
After everyone confirmed they were done, we were checking our own papers against the highlighted answers on the screen. On one question, the HR manager had inadvertently highlighted "false" when she meant "true". The "cool guy" in front of me fussed and fussed -- come to find out? He was marking his test by the highlighted answers rather than have answered on his own. Me? I missed one question -- instead of saying that I would report an incident to HR according to the policies and procedures of the organization, I recommended that she first talk to the person who offended her, and for what it is worth, I still think that is the right answer.
The "cool guy" turned his paper in as 100% correct and won the raffle, getting a $25 gift card for StarBucks. Lots of high-fives and laughter among his buddies and congratulations from other workers.
He cheated.
And lied.
Walked off with the prize and smirked.
For a moment, I was angry. For a moment, it reminded me of being back in school and never fitting in with the cool crowd. For a moment, I felt gypped. Then I shrugged and let it go, but I have been reflecting a lot about what that entire incident said about that very popular young man. Yes the presentation was dumb and repetitive and boring -- but the "cool guy" chose for no better reason than mockery to cheat and win. Is there a karmic balance that now needs to be restored -- has he damaged his soul? Does he ever think about his actions and how others may perceive him? Was I the only one who saw what happened? We trust him every day with vital customer information -- are we putting our customers at risk of unethical dealings? Will there be repercussions down the road as he is considered for more important positions in the organization with greater responsibility?
I was feeling pretty righteous after watching "Mr. Cool Guy" yesterday, but I am not sure that I really have the high moral ground. I have not taken the time to pick up something I dropped, leaving it litter. I have been silent when I should speak up. I know that that I do not always do the right thing at the right time for the right reasons....
One of the byproducts of the mortgage debacle has been the problem with foreclosing. In a previous blog post, I talked about what happens when you don't make your mortgage payment -- foreclosure is the last resort the lender has to recoup their losses.
Foreclosure means that the lender comes and takes your house away -- they gave you the money to buy the house and you didn't pay it back under the terms and conditions of the note, so you have defaulted and the lender has the right to take back the property. It is an action of last resort for the lender and a lose/lose proposition. You have lost your house and all the payments that you have made to date and the lender will probably not ever get back the principal that was owed, much less the interest and legal fees. But it does come to this eventually.
There are as many different proceedures for foreclosure as there are states and territories, but it all hinges on the Deed of Trust or Mortgage. Remember all those papers you signed at settlement? There are three documents that are key: First there is the Note [AKA the Promissory Note] that establishes the terms and conditions of repayment. Then there is the Deed that conveys ownership of the property from the seller to the buyer, And last, the document that actually places the lien on the property you are buying, and that is the Deed of Trust or Mortgage. There is a difference
"The basic difference between the mortgage as a security instrument and a Deed of Trust is that in a Deed of Trust there are three parties involved, the borrower, the lender, and a trustee, whereas in a mortgage document there are only two parties involved, the borrower and the lender. In a Deed of Trust, the borrower conveys title to a trustee who will hold title to the property for the benefit of the lender. The title remains in trust until the loan is paid.
Often a title company, escrow company or bank, is listed as the trustee on the Deed of Trust. When the loan has been paid, the trustee will issue a release deed or trustee's reconveyance deed. This deed of reconveyance should be recorded at the county recorder's office, to make public notice that the loan has been paid and that the lender's interest in the property has ended."
Most lenders use a Deed of Trust [DOT] these days so that the servicing of your loan can be moved around. Now the Deed and the DOT are two documents that have to be recorded in the municipality where the property is located, usually in the Land Records of the Clerk of the Circut Court. If the DOT is bundled up and sold, there is another document that has to be recorded called an Assignment -- that transfers the DOT from one lender to another. And here is where the problems start.
The Clerk of the Circuit Court is not a big huge government office; in most counties it is one-three people working in the middle of a lot of file cabinets. Many places have not automated and recordation means a person physcially recording a Liber and Folio number in a book, then stamping the Deed and the DOT with the same number so that anyone can find the item in a title search. It isn't a high profile office with lots of funding and most residents would baulk at being asked to pay large amounts of tax revenue to upgrade the Land Records. After all, the system worked for years....
And so it did. It was creaking, but it worked. The first real problem happened courtesy of Ronald Regan -- remember when the tax deductions for interest paid on consumer items went away? The only allowable deduction was interest paid on your home, and so the HELOC [home equity line of credit] was born and second mortgages took off through the roof. Clerks were flooded with new DOT to record, not just purchase money but 2nd or even 3rd liens. And then the payoffs of those new liens and the establishment of new liens had to be recorded -- all of this on top of the purchase money DOTs and the Assignments....
Let's take a very standard case and count the recorded documents. New purchse money DOT. Six months later, change in servicing Assignment. Two years later, HELOC. Another year, a change in servicing Assignment. Five years after opening the account, the HELOC gets paid off and closed -- a Lien Release -- because the borrower found a better deal elsewhere, new HELOC. Another change in servicing Agreement. In the course of eight years, there have been eight documents submitted to the Clerk of the Circuit Court for recordation -- on ONE property.
What we have is a paper jam
Now part of my job is to track when recorded documents are returned. Some counties are really quick because they are fully automated and even online. But most? It is an average wait of six to nine months before a recorded DOT or Assignment makes it way back to me, the lender. I track the pending documents on an excpetions list. After six months I start bugging the settlement company and the attorneys, but until that Clerk of the Circuit Court has the time to stamp that document and record it in the Land Records, that is all that I can do.
A friend of mine is struggling right now -- and in her letter to her friends, she commented that today [Jewish Year 5771: sunset May 21, 2011 - nightfall May 22, 2011 to be precise] was Lag B'Omer and called it the Day of Happiness in the Jewish calendar. From what I can read online, it is indeed a day when sadness is forbidden. It is a family time with picnics and outings, games with bats and bows, and bonfires with singing and dancing. She wrote a prayer for what she needs for happiness, but others caution about bothering the Almighty when He is smiling upon His people.
Today is the 142nd day of the year of the Gegorian calendar that we follow. Sri Lanka is celebrating their Republic Day, the US declared it to be National Maritime Day and California says it is Harvey Milk Day. In 1980, the PacMan arcade game was released -- did you know that PacMan is the most easily recognized game icon? It is also the day after the Rapture.... Many people made a lot of fun about the doomsday predictions for 6PM last night; some have spoken about what happens to the faithful when such predictions do not come true. I read all of the Left Behind books -- the basic premise just fascinated me: what if all those people we laughed at were right?
For the past week I have been posting happy pictures from Gem and Craig's wedding. It has been an interesting two weeks and I am glad that they are both so very happy and enjoying their honeymoon.
As for myself, I have many things to be thankful for:
a home that is pleasant to come to, complete with cat.
a job that provides sustenance
a body that gives me reasonably okay health.
My basic needs are met.
I don't know why those things do not make me "happy", why I sigh and droop around. I do not take care of that home, I have not made it truly mine. Instead of appreciating the salary that comes in, I try to do things that I cannot afford. I don't take good care of that body either, grousing about the thin hair and thick ankles. And I pine after relationships, wanting to belong somewhere, to fit in, to be accepted -- but I don't put in much leg work in establishing those relationships in First Life, resting instead in a 2nd Life. I let anger flare on reading deliberately rude, unkind words from someone who barely knows me.
What am I looking for? Why haven't I allowed myself to be happy?
On this day when celebrations are encouraged and prayers of thanks and celebration are offered, I will smile. I will look to the horizon and murmur my words of praise to swell that chorus. I am where I was meant to be until I have learned what it is that I need to learn.
When I was in consumer lending and settled a loan, I always recommended that the customer read the documents -- provided them ahead of time if they wanted so that they could do it before coming to the settlement table. My intrepretation of those documents was: "this says we are nice people and we are giving you the money to buy this property and you are nice people and are going to pay us back according to the terms and conditions of the note. The rest of it tells you what happens if you don't pay us back."
What happens on my end when the borrower doesn't make the payment when it is due:
there is a grace period before the late charge is assessed. During this period, interest is being accrued on a higher amount of principal than originally caluculated [amortization schedules assume that you are always making your payment exactly on the due date even when the bank is closed], but that is pretty much transparent to you until the payoff is requested and you can't understand why it is more than you expected.
you may or may not get a reminder that your payment was due
the day after the grace period is over [either the 11th or 16th day depending on your note], a late charge is assessed and a notice is generated telling you that
sometime before you go 30 days past due, you probably get a phone call [we used to call this "dialing for dollars" after the old TV show ]and another letter is sent out
once you go over 30 days past due, your loan is now flagged on all management reports and you start getting nasty grams and phone calls
when you are 60 days past due, the risk rating on your loan is lowered and the bank has to reserve a higher amount against losses. At this point you are turned over to a collections expert and the communications start to get mean.
at 90 days past due, your loan probably goes on non-accrual, which means it is now classified as a potential loss. If they are escrowing, the bank is paying out funds to keep the insurance and taxes current that they have not collected and the principal may be increased as a result [depending on the terms of your note]
at 120 days past due, your loan becomes eligible for foreclosure in most states.
So what this means is that if the payment was due on April 1st, the homeowner is not threatened with foreclosure until July 30th. During that time, the lender has had to reserve increasing amounts against the increasing likelihood that the loan will go bad.
What does it mean when you have to reserve funds?
It means you debit income and credit the Loan Loss Reserve.
Which means not only has the lender lost the interest income, you have incurred the expenses for collection [legal and appraisal at the least], you have paid taxes and insurance out of your own pocket, and you have to take the entire amount of the loan out of your income
..... but the borrower is considered the injured party if you go to foreclosure.
I post the link to the blog on FaceBook and actually get more comments there than I do on the blog itself at times. The post about the banks giving mortgages to borrowers who couldn't pay prompted a couple different swipes at the banks: The comments broke down into two categories: they sell it to another bank and both make money; they stick it to the customer and make money. The functional conclusion was: bad banks make money on hapless borrowers.
You know, I am more than willing to point the finger at the folks who make money off of boondoggles, but in this case, I AM the mean old banker type person and I happen to know for a fact that I didn't get rich and none of the community banks or credit unions around here are rolling in dough, so I keep piping up and correcting misinformation. The reason that banks would bundle up and sell loans on the secondary market was to mitigate the risk entailed by making loans to risky borrowers to meet CRA requirements....
oh, who is a risky borrower?
er... well lets talk about the basis for credit worthiness. When a lender looks at an applicant, there is something called the four C's of credit:
-Character: this is what establishes whether or not you think the borrower will pay back the loan you give them. Since whether or not you are a nice person is pretty much irrelevant, and I have no idea what you are going to do in the future, lenders rely on past payment history -- the ubiquitous credit report. The lender is looking for a warm fuzzy feeling that you will pay without being a PITA.
-Capacity: a simple mathematical formula -- does your income handle your outgo with the additional payment factored in
-Capital: how much are you actually worth? If you lose your income stream [e.g. your job], how long can you stay afloat and keep paying back the loan?
-Collateral: in the case of a mortgage, what is the appraised value of the property VS the loan amount [AKA LTV]. Any LTV over 80% is considered risky, by the way. That is why the government requires loans to have PMI [private mortgage insurance] to cover the rest of the loan.
The ideal borrower?
has great credit with no past dues, no charge-offs and no public information [like tax liens]
can make the loan payment and handle all of the other expenses using less than 50% of their monthly take-home pay
has a net worth that is at least 10X the amount of debt that they have outstanding
is putting down at least 20% in cash
yeah -- I don't know many people like that either. And it was found that a disparate portion of protected minorities were not able to afford the American Dream of a home of their own. So a fifth "C" was added:
-Conditions: government guaranties. selling the loan on the secondary market. imaginative loan structures.
YAY! lots of homes being bought! Lots of people who couldn't afford a home now were able to have one! People are happy! Builders are happy! The government is happy!
* when you connect a blog post picture to an online picture url, don't be surprised when it poofs and you get a square with a red X in the middle....
quote of the day: "This is the nature of genius, to be able to grasp the knowable even when noone else recognizes that it is present." Deepak Chopra.
The power of threes: Yesterday was a thoroughly nit-picking day, full of fussing with the title companies about recorded documents.... So, on the way home, I stop at an ATM to get cash out and find out that my account is overdrawn by about $500! Worried I sped home and got online -- like an imbecile, I paid a bill out of the wrong checking account and the money is sitting in one place while I am in the red elsewhere. Duh. So I write the check for deposit and put it by.
Kula woke me up this morning a little early, and I stumble around. Tried to turn on the bedroom lamp and it doesn't go on, figure that it is because the timer hasn't caught up yet. Stumble to the bathroom. After flushing I try to turn on the light....
nada
Try the faucet
nada
NOW I am actually awake!
Grab the cell phone and call the desk. Yes the power went off around 5:30AM. No they don't know why. Yes it is just our building. Yes PepCo has been contacted. No estimate as to when power will be restored. Yes the garage doors have been opened and one elevator is working...
Fortunately I have some water stored from last year. I wash up a little, brush my teeth, drag a comb through my hair, grimace at the mirror, make sure the cat has plenty of water and get dressed. I pull out a necklace that I bought from a craft place in NM, and beads go bouncing all over the place -- one of the strands has broken. I pick up the beads and wear the necklace with only two strands anyway.
At least I rounded out my set of threes: bank, power and necklace. Leave for work over an hour early, make my deposit in the ATM and they still won't give me any cash. Shrug and stop at Starbucks then come to work.
Three good things to offest: At least it isn't Monday! The bank thing was easily fixed. And it isn't too hot yet and there was plenty of light with which to see and I did have water stored.
First of all, Mothers' Day is a very highly hyped holiday in the US -- I am not sure about how much they emphasize it in the UK where it comes during Lent, but here? Restaurants and phone lines will be swamped, guilt trips will ensue for those kids and husbands who don't ante up. One of the more amusing conversations was at work where two of my male coworkers opined that if Fathers' Day would just come first so that they could ask as a gift that they be released from the burden of Mothers' Day's expectations....
Everyone tries to get in on the act, giving ideas and suggestions for using their products. Some observances are fun -- like this little movie trailer that was sent to me by Lavinia. I promptly passed it on with a smile! Some kids come up with great ideas [that was from a few years ago] -- sounds like Dannah had a wonderful outing. My kids always make me feel cherished: Tom weighed in with a hearty greeting before he crashed [he works nights and weekends]; Gem and Craig made reservations for a special brunch at Cafe de Paris, taking time out of their busy schedules despite the stress of the wedding in just a week.
But I didn't go see my mother. Too much history now. I have been sending flowers to her for the holidays.....
Next week is the wedding. It won't get as much attention as the royal wedding, but it is pretty much preoccupying all of us, but especially Gem. She really has done all the planning herself and made almost all the decorations and it is coming down to the wire! Gem is already obssessed with the long-range weather forecast, and after a couple of simply gorgeous days today, tomorrow and Wednesday, it does look a bit dicey for the weekend -- not good when the wedding was planned to be outdoors and plan B may be implemented.
Meanwhile it is back to work after a weekend that as usual was all too short....
Why would a lender give a mortgage to a borrower who can't afford to make the payments?
An article I ran across on Tuesday stated that the Fed has filed suit in Manhatten against Deutsche Bank claiming the bank committed fraud in order to join a government program that insures mortgages.
As reported in the WSJ, the bank points out that most of the violations happened before they acquired the mortgage brokers. "MortgageIT allegedly submitted mortgages that weren't eligible for the FHA insurance program and falsely certified that they had conducted due diligence as required by the program's rules." There seems to be little doubt that the lender had real quality control issues
But why did banks take such chances with borrowers who could not demonstrate the ability to pay? Yes, loans are the way that lenders make money -- but bear in mind, a lender does not make money on a loan that defaults. Yes the loans are secured, but the collarteral is a secondary or even tertiary source of repayment -- the cash flow of the borrower is what pays back the loan and the interest. The cost of foreclosure and the pains of collections make taking over the pledged colalteral property a dicey proposition and sometimes you are lucky to get out of the deal with the principal whole much less make your projected interest revenue! The bottom line is simple -- a mortgage loan gone sour is a loss.
One answer lies not in greed and avarice, but in a little-discussed regulatory requirement called CRA. The Community Re-Investment Act passed back in 1977 This was another one of those deceptively simple, good ideas that Congress had -- banks should be held accountable for serving the needs of their community. By 1995, the regs had real teeth and a low CRA rating could materially impact the operations of a bank, especially a community bank. Regulators would come in and examine the CRA files and the HMDA reports and literally complain that not enough disadvantaged [read folks with credit problems or uncertain incomes] were getting mortgages and able to buy homes, and they brought out some very big sticks with which to beat up senior management and the Boards of Directors to bring them in line
The main stick they used was the "M" in the CAMEL rating . These ratings are vitally important to the bank and having management rated a "2" or even a "3" because the organization was not being proactive enough on CRA mobilized the bankers to come up with innovations to make mortgages affordable for more people. Thus we see changes in the traditional mortgage loan structure and the advent of the infamous interest-only and adjustable-rate mortgages where payments are low initially. In addition there were changes in down-payment requirements and the amount of money a borrower had to bring to the settlement table -- 100% financing and even financing of the settlement costs were made available. To mitigate the risk, the lenders tried to hedge their bets and spread out the risk entailed: selling the loans on the secondary market, getting insurance to cover anything more than 80% LTV, and getting others to invest in the financing.
No cash on the table and artificially lowered payments -- yeah lots of people got mortgages who can't afford them when times got tough.
Although the day actually commerates the victory of the Mexican army over the forces of Napoleon III, decisively crushing the French army, the best army at the time, and one that had not been defeated for almost 50 years on May 5, 1862. There was also an impact to the War Between the States in the US because France subsequently lost the ability to use Mexico as a base from which to support the Confederacy.
Apparently it really isn't a holiday that seems to be important in Mexico from what I have read -- instead, like St. Patrick's Day for the Irish, it has become a celebration of heritage and folklore for the Mexican people
Hey, solidarity. Mariachi music. pintas. dancing. brightly colored clothing. good food. tequila. smiles and friendly greetings -- what's not to like??
Quote of the day: We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. --- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Monday, I asked in a post in FaceBook "when did my get-up-and-go get up and go away?" and received a comment back that asked "do you like what you do?" Good question!
I like being in support -- that is a blog post all on its own as I believe that it is in operations that businesses differentiate themselves. I like being in Loan Servicing, especially in Loan Operations, because I enjoy figuring things out and applying them. But I do I like what I am doing now?
At TWSB, I was a manager and doing the job of a SVP. While the CEO and I were not getting along, I had the respect of the rest of the senior management team and was included in many of the decision-making meetings for the bank. I felt valued and knew that I was contributing. My salary was good and I had five weeks PTO during the course of the year. Then the CEO maneuvered me out the door. I got a three month severance package and went job hunting. The CEO made disparaging remarks and that hurt my opportunities, but the real problem was that I was pricey.
Before my package ran out, I landed at MSL. I was happy to get this job, Not only was it an increase in pay [although a decrease to 3 1/2 weeks PTO was a bit awkward] but it sounded like a great career opportunity even though I was stepping down to be a Director of a smaller organization....
But it turned out that there was little in the way of management expertise entailed -- what I ended up doing was being a worker bee. I enjoyed setting up the processes and proceedures of course because that is what I do best, but then it was a question of just handling the day-to-day transactions. I was not included in management decisions or even permitted to see the balance sheet and income statement of the company. This was not a career position, it was a job. I have often gone back and tried to think out if it was my mindset that turned what I thought was a career opportunity with a growing concern into a clerical position. There was a lot more in the way of day-to-day work than I had anticipated and anything other than processing transactions needed to be done outside the 10 hour days I was putting in. From the company's standpoint, I failed to live up to my billing -- I never stepped up and took charge and steadfastedly declined to be available 24/7 even though I used the company's BlackBerry. Neither of us were happy with the situation, and it didn't help matters that this was the period of time when I had to deal with my mother's increasing dementia and my own heart problems.
They eliminated my position and let me go with a six week severance package after 1 3/4 years right at the beginning of the recession. Through sheer luck I landed my current position before the pay ran out -- but here I do not have a title, although I am salaried. I took a substantial pay cut, settling for 2/3 of my salary and only three weeks PTO, but I had a job....
A job. OTOH: This was not a career decision, it was an economic decision to keep a paycheck coming in. In the past two years, I have not regretted that decision -- I gained back about three hours a day for one thing and I am working once more with people I like and respect who like and respect me. But many times I am simply bored with what I am doing. OTOH: I have actually turned down headhunters who have contacted me about other opportunities even though the salaries would be higher because I just don't feel like moving back into that high level of expectations right now.
But in making this decision, did I lose my get-up-and-go?
quote of the day:You're only given a little spark of madness. You musn't lose it. -- Robin Williams
EOM: Well actually it is the 2nd of May, not the end of April, but it is the first business day of the month and that is when all the end of month reports and tasks have to be handled
The plans for Saturday changed in the morning when Kit emailed and said she was having a bad sight day and didn't feel like going out. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, bright and sunny and coolish. I had the windows open, but spent the day in the apartment except for a brief walk outside to the rental office to drop off the rent -- two checks this time from two different accounts since I screwed up the transfers -- and my agreement to stay here another year despite the 5% increase in rent and doubling of the utility bills. I did manage to get the boxes out of the computer room!
Now there are only four boxes left in the corner of the living room.... Then I get to tackle that nightmare of the second bedroom. When I posted this picture on FaceBook, Aunt Blanche commented that it looks like a cat lives with me.... I need to move Kula's things around a bit but most of his stuff is here with me. I like the way I have it set up here -- when I sit at the desk [I moved the chair out of the way for the picture], I can see out the window and into the living room.
My horoscope for May 1st: May Day alert: Circle May 1 on your calendar with a big red sharpie, Rams! An explosive amount of Aries planetary energy abounds as six -- count 'em, six -- planets traverse your incendiary corner of the zodiac simultaneously. This includes Moon, Mars, Venus, Jupiter and Uranus all rallying for your cause. Age of Aquarius themes pop up as Jupiter in fact does align with Mars on this very powerful day. Every second counts and actions speak infinitely larger than words
Despite this, Sunday was a very very quiet day. Got up early, played around in SL getting kala's korner set up. Stretched out to read and took a four-hour nap, effectively sleeping the afternoon away. Woke up in time to log in world and work at Perfect World Productions for the last show for the year for me.
And it is Monday morning again and my get-up-and-go got up and went.
Yeah, I'm a little bewildered that there is such a frenzy over the royal wedding -- didn't understand it when Charles and Diana got married either for that matter.
But the hype has been inescapable [and I feel like that little girl on the left about it] and what with Gem getting married in just two weeks, matrimony is very much on my mind
To my horror, I found I couldn't remember the exact dates of my weddings.... oh yeah, I used the plural! Did it three times.
I think the first marriage was August 12th -- that date sticks in my head anyway -- it was August 1972. I do remember that Bonita and JK got married on the same date some years later, something we talked about a bit when she first chose it. That wedding was very much one that a child of the 60's could appreciate and one of the most beautiful weddings... Years later, folks still tell me that they remember that day and how lovely everything was. We made our own dresses, well Sue made mine and hers actually, and all of us used the same pattern, a simple long-sleeved, low scoop neck, empire-waist dress. It was a rainbow wedding and the colors were vibrant! I wore white and carried a bouquet that was a riot of color. Sue was the maid of honor and her dress was bright red. Bonita's was ice blue. Rose [Kit's younger sister] was a bright parrot green. Margaret, Bob's sister-in-law, was dressed in purple. Sharon, Bob's sister, was in gold and his littlest sister, Linda, was in pink. The men wore matching ruffles and cumberbunds with the lady they were escorting. We had the wedding outside, in the prayer/rose garden of a local monastary and it was a full nuptial mass. The wedding cake was a gift from the baker I used to work at -- Gesina's. The reception was at Bob's parent's in the basement.
Unfortunately the marriage only lasted 1 1/2 years, and was later annulled. It seems the priest [who left the priesthood a month later] failed to get all the permissions needed to perform a sacrament outside .... The dress? cut up as I tried to make a blouse of it.
Chuck and I were married in a Methodist church one hot July afternoon in 1975 with just the family and a few close friends attending. I wore an ivory polyester lacy dress I found at JC Penney's, Chuck bought a new summer suit of light blue. Bonita whas my Maid of Honor and found a long green dress that she liked and we both carried white flowers. The Brinkers had a "do" in their basement afterwards.
Chuck and I stayed together for ten years. The dress? shortened and worn to church, then discarded when it got too small.
When Frank and I wed, it was before a Baltimore County Justice of the Peace at the Towson courthouse on July 8th -- the day before his mother's funeral. My dress was an ivory brocade and lace off the rack "dressy dress" and I wore 5' heels. Kit was the Maid of Honor and wore a wine colored dress, and Frank's son and daughter came as witnesses. Afterwards we went to lunch at the Hampton Mansion.
Frank died seven years ago. I finally donated the dress and heels to the GoodWill when I moved in 2007.
My daughter is making her own wedding traditions. I kept nothing of mine to give her.
"Home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in." -- Robert Frost
This quote stopped me in my tracks when I ran across it yesterday and I got to questioning the concept of home.
My mother always made it very clear to me that when I left her house I was not coming back if things did not work Did that mean her house was not my home? I certainly thought of it as home for the 21+ years that I was there, even when I was not happy there. In all fairness to her, I did leave and stay at Grandmom Riley's for several weeks the summer before I walked out for good, but Mom allowed me to come back that time. I never tried to go back after moving in with Bob [who became my first husband and Tom's father], in fact it was every bit of 15 years before my mother and I ever spoke again. So Cedar Drive was her home, but it was not mine.
Can't say that I ever felt that Bob and I made a home in our downtown, third floor flat. Can't say that the mobile home where my father and Penny lived in Anchorage felt much like home to me either. Now Chuck [my second husband and Gem's father] and I made a home in the house there on Poplar Drive, and I think the kids remember it as their home. But when I left there after 10 years, again, there was no going back. Frank, Tom and I made a home in the apartment in Randallstown for almost 20 years, although I am not sure if Tom ever really felt like it was his home. However, Tom left for the Navy and about three years after Frank died, I moved so that is gone too.
Mom lost her apartment where she lived for 35 years around the same time I was moving, so I tried to have her move in with me -- that really didn't work out and she ended up in an assisted living facility after eight months, and not speaking to me again. That place never felt right to me, and when the lease was up I moved into my current apartment. There is no "they" to take me in; I am alone. I haven't even completely unpacked...
If I don't have a home, does that make me a stray?
For most, the day after Easter means lots of left over ham and hard-boiled eggs, not to mention jelly beans and chocolate rabbits and peeps!
Gem cooked yesterday, and the meal was delicious. The weather turned hot and muggy; there were storms last night. As happens every spring, they have not turned on the AC so I am struggling with open windows and the high pollen counts. Sleep was elusive.
The commute in was very easy this morning -- apparently schools do not reopen in Montgomercy County until tomorrow and many people took off today. Maybe they are going to the National Zoo -- apparently the Monday after Easter has been a traditional open day, there is no admission charge and there are many special activities planned. Looks like a fun day with entertainment and food, and the summery type weather should encourage people to go.
I was rather surprised to find an entry in the Liturgical Calendar -- apparently the day after Easter had its own observances originally. All I can say is that any husband that spritzs his wife with water [scented or not] to wake her up, deserves to get the bucket the next day!
Sandwiched between the drama of Good Friday and the celebration of Easter Sunday is the bleak day when Christ was immured in the tomb. It is Saturday -- and I never know quite how to refer to it. Easter Saturday? Holy Saturday? the Easter Vigil and a day of fasting? Easter weekend? the last day of Lent? part of the Easter Triduum? Black Saturday? Easter Eve? In some countries it is actually a holiday with its own observances but here in the US, it is the day of Easter egg hunts and frenetic shopping
While I had realized that grocery store shopping was always an ordeal, I hadn't realized just how frenetic shopping was on this Saturday until I worked at Mother Goose Shoes at Security Square Mall for three years. We sold children's shoes that were made by a factory in Western MD -- and Irv [the manager] had laid in a huge supply of the black and white patent dress girls' shoes and different styles of little boys' dress shoes for Easter. Sales were always brisk as the holiday grew closer; because kid's feet grow quickly, savvy parents would wait until the week before Easter to buy to ensure the shoes would fit. But the day before Easter? The entire mall was packed, but Mother Goose Shoes was literally swamped. Most of the staff was there for store hours -- open to close -- and we were hopping the entire time.
As the time passed and we started selling out of some sizes, an edge of desperation would creep into the parents' voices.... finally, well after the closing time of 10PM, Irv would pull down the gate and then the fun would begin.
We had a chain link gate at the front of the store. Every year, as we stood trying to settle the cash drawers and clean up the store, parents would rattle the gate and demand that we talk to them. They would wave money and shout out shoe sizes, telling us just to go and get the box. Some women would scream obscenities at us saying that we were spoiling their Easter because their little one wouldn't have new shoes to go with the new Easter outfits they had just bought. Their children would stand there sniffling and crying. Irv would stand inside the gate and start cussing at them and the noise would get louder. Security would show up and the parents and Irv would start shouting at the men, gesticulating wildly as a crowd gathered. It was one of the few times when we would leave by the back door, walking out into the dimly lit, empty area with the dumpsters. Security would come and escort us, taking Irv to the bank to drop off "the bag" [the commercial deposit of the day's take] and making sure the staff made it safely to the more populated area of the parking lot.
And that was how I first got to know Frank -- back in 1982, he was one of those Security guards on duty that night and he walked me to my car.
I have always envied those with a strong faith -- whatever that faith may be -- both for the consolation and assurance it brings and the sense of community they share with others. It is a comfort to me that even Christ faltered and despaired.
Today is a day of observances -- it is one Friday that I will not say "TGIF", I will remember not to eat meat and at 3PM I will pause, bowing my head, for without this day, there would be no Easter
Yesterday my boss came to me and asked if I could help one of our member Credit Unions by forwarding a resume to them. We got into a bit of a discussion at that point because I happen to know what the opening there is for -- recently their Loan Operations Manager moved on -- and the resume we had was for a Loan Adminstration Assistant. I argued that the woman was not qualified for the position; he argued that she could be trained. I pointed out that when most lenders speak of Loan Servicing, they are actually thinking about Loan and/or Credit Administration, but Loan Ops is a different function, and we agreed to disagree at that point...
Loan Servicing actually has four components:
Loan Operations -- working with the Loan Accounting System [LAS] to translate the terms and conditions of the loan documentation executed at settlement onto a core processing system that will track the accruals, payments, billings, notices, exceptions [receipt of documents, loan covenants, and on-going ticklers e.g. finacial statements and insurance are the most common] and escrow [if applicable]. Most of the customers are internal; for example, because everything done on the LAS impacts the balance sheet and income statement, this area works closely with the Accounting Department, providing reconciliations and explanations of variances. There is also external customer contact through billing statements and notices' follow-up.
Loan Administration -- working with the physical files, taking the exceptions reporting and addressing missing items. This area works most closely with the lenders, closers and Credit Administration because it is involved with risk management and has a great deal of external customer contact
Reporting -- providing lenders, accounting and senior management with the information needed to stay fully informed as to what is going on with their loan portfolio
Collections -- I used to tell borrowers when I was a loan officer, "The documents basically say this: we are nice people and we gave you this money. You are nice people and you are going to pay us back." When there is a hiccup with that, then this department gets involved. The amount of savvy needed varies according to the needs of the portfolio -- everything from "dialing for dollars" [trying to get that late payment in before the 30 day point] to Special Asset management.
Now in a large shop, these functions have dedicated personnel. In a smaller shop, they get combined, but the person filling the roles has to have sufficient KSA to perform each function. The problem that I have run into again and again is that lenders easily perceive the need for Loan Admin and Collections, but figure that Loan Ops and Reporting can be "picked up" easily.
This morning I ran across an article about ABC [which is now owned by Disney Enterprises] cancelling two very long-running soap operas -- All My Children and One Life to Live. The announcement, which states: "Iconic shows All My Children and One Life to Live will broadcast their final episodes in September 2011 and January 2012, respectively; series will sunset in a manner that honors viewers and the shows’ creative legacies" can be read here
Time was when the afternoons were devoted to the soaps... Grandmom Hughes was not into afternoon TV and neither was Aunt Blanche, but Grandmom Riley was a devoted and consistent fan -- no one called her between 1PM and 4PM becuause that was the time "the stories" were on. She and my mother both settled in front of the TV in their respective homes, sometimes while sorting laundry or ironing or sewing, to watch The Guiding Light, General Hospital, As the World Turns, and Days of Our Lives. When Aunt Nell was off work, or when I was home from school, we joined them. Whole conversations revolved around what was going to happen next and of course, since I wasn't a regular viewer, I had to be filled in on the different characters' histories and how the relationships were interwoven. When Mom went back to work [I was in high school], she would call her mother for regular updates on what was happening in the stories. As a teenager, I started watching Dark Shadows when I got home from school and quickly became a fan until that show was cancelled -- it triggered an interest in vampyres that has lasted a very long time too although I never followed either Buffy or Twilight. And as things happened in my own life, I sometimes threatened to run away to New York and start writing for the soaps by just telling my own story and that of my friends -- my pen name was going to be Veronica Riley...
Those days are long gone. They belong back in the early days of TV, back in the 1950's and early 1960's when women were pretty much always home even while the kids were at school. For many years, the audience for the soaps has been both aging and shrinking.
When I was a homemaker I started watching for a time, but quickly realized that they were not shows to have on TV with inquisitive little ones about! It was a story line in Days of Our Lives, and Trish was about to be molested by her step-father -- in typical soap fashion, nothing really was being shown and it dragged out for a week with him walking towards her and her crying and Tom [who was about 3 at the time] looked over from where he was playing and asked "why is that girl afraid of her daddy?" I shrugged and the show was immediately turned off and I never watched again. It was just too much trouble to set up the VCR every day to tape the program and hard to find time to watch it if I did tape it -- my husband wasn't likely to want to watch it in the evening after the kids went to bed. For a while I kept up with what was going on by reading the TV Guide synopsis, but just lost interest. And of course, when I returned to the workforce, I wasn't going to worry about daytime TV! My daughter never got into soaps. The closest thing she had was Sex in the City, but that too is gone.
Daytime TV has changed radically now that cable has expanded our choices. If I am home, I am more likely to veg out watching something like a Top Chefs marathon or America's Top Models, or put on the Discovery or History or CNN channel or pop in a DVD and watch my movies then I am to look at tired game shows and old soap operas. But as I read some of the blog posts and other articles remembering watching soap operas with mothers and grandmothers and it was nice to remember back when times seemed simpler....
We can thank the great emancipator himself for income tax and the IRS -- yup, it was honest Abe who started the whole shebang back in 1862 because he needed to finance the War Between the States [AKA the Civil War or the War of Northern Aggression, depending on where you live].
And you can thank DC for the extra couple of days to file -- Friday, April 15 is Emancipation Day [the freeing of slaves in DC] this year. By law, DC holidays impact IRS tax deadlines. Just remember if you are filing for an extension that you have to pay an estimation of what you think you will owe. Of course, there are those who have figured out how to game the system so that they don't pay any taxes at all, so today doesn't mean anything to them. Or maybe you are one of those folks who have already filed and you have your refund in hand so today is just another day for you.
For those of us in commercial lending, this means that we have to start dunning people for copies of the tax return, or proof that they filed for an extension, in accordance with the terms and conditions of the loan documentation so that we can continue to assess the level of risk inherent in the loan. Some folks send in their return right away, some piddle fiddle around, some get intransigent and we have to threaten to raise the rate on their loan. I had one customer in the past who absolutely refused to give us his personal return -- told us that it was none of his business and an invasion of his privacy. We ended up moving him out of the bank, the auditiors/examiners/regulators dinged us so hard on his loans and forced us to downgrade the risk ratings to the point where it was no longer profitable to keep him.
You see, risk ratings really matter to the lending insititution because the higher the risk rating, the more money has to come out of income and get put into the Allocation for Loan Loss Reserves. What makes your loan riskier?
If you aren't making your payments on time, especially if you skip payments or go past due on a regular basis
can't tell what your current financial situation is because there isn't an updated personal financial statement and tax return
the collateral goes down in value
the economic conditions in your area or your industry change
What this does to the bottom line is simple -- there are standard percentages that come into play at every level of risk rating. Risk rating system are usually pretty involved with multiptle layers and changing allocations based on the historical experience of the lender, but basically a "pass" credit doesn't take that much of a bite out of income -- say 1% of the current principal balance outstanding. But when you get into the watch list, things start to get pricey. The idea behind reserving more and more is that the lender is no longer certain that they will get back the entire amount of their principal, much less the interest that is owed:
watch -- still considered a pass credit, but the loan is showing signs of weakness. The reserve allocation is probably around 15%
special mention -- Deterioration of repayment is in its earliest stages. Potentially weak primary repayment source. Past due 60 days; constant supervision - the reserve allocation is probablly around 30%.
substandard -- loans that are getting really past due and go on non-accrual [this means that the bank is only able to recognize income after all the principal has been paid back]. Reserve allocation is 50%.
doubtful -- at this point the lender has probably already done a new appraisal and charged off a portion of the loan. Reserve allocation is 75%
loss -- 100% of the outstanding balance is taken out of income
What is the primary source of repayment? Cash flow -- you the borrower. And that brings us back to the tax return, neh? That is how the lender is able to prove to the auditors/examiners/regulators that they made a sound loan, that you can afford to pay back the money. You don't give the information and the unholy trio assumes you are hiding a weakness, and even if you are making every payment on time, the lender is forced to lower the risk rating on the loan and take a hit to income. Banks and Credit Unions may love their customers, but hit them in the income and they get really surly....
The customer who wouldn't give me his tax returns because it was too private? He left C&F and went to another lender, who made the exact same demand.
I spent the last week enjoying work thoroughly. The hours were long and it was uncomfortable in the session rooms -- will anyone ever create a folding chair that doesn't wear out your behind? -- and we talked reports and loan accounting. I went to San Diego and didn't get to see much of the city. And yet I enjoyed the week and came back feeling clear-headed and invigorated.
Why? because I felt like a professional again. I felt like I mattered.
Do I matter at work? Not really -- they like me and support me and I do the job that they ask me to do, and I have made a difference, but this is a job, not a career.
Choices -- it is all about choices, neh? I could answer the headhunters; I could follow up on the leads that networking brings and dive back into the career. Instead I stay at the CUSO doing work that I haven't done myself for a decade. Why? because quite frankly I don't perceive the value of putting in 10-12 hours every day and being available on weekends and holidays, ready to leap into action. When did the change happen? About four years ago -- March 2007. When I was at MSL, I wasn't involved in strategic planning and I wasn't included in management decisions for the first time since 1994, when Kevin and Donna recruited me as an agent of change. From 1994 to 2007, for 13 years I lived and breathed management theory, execution, organizational change and development, knowledge management. Why did I fall off the wagon? A CEO with a personal agenda yanking the ladder out from under my feet. Ignoring the depression and denying the grief over my husband's death. Dealing with my mother. Health problems. An economy gone sour. Yeah all that, but more importantly? It just wasn't fun anymore. I was saying the same thing too many times again and again, running into too many obstacles, and instead of motivating me to ratchet up my game, it caused me to stop and ask why I am doing it if I am not enjoying myself.
Ran into a personality test online and realized that I am always taking such tests -- so of course I took this one! Personality test results: Ta-dah, your personality type is ENFP!
Extraverted (E) 82% Introverted (I) 18%
Intuitive (N) 82% Sensing (S) 18%
Feeling (F) 70% Thinking (T) 30%
Perceiving (P) 91% Judging (J) 9%
On the whole, I think I am happy with this -- usually I quibble about personality tests, especially online ones. But on the whole, this sounds like the me that I know. I often wonder about the me that I don't know though, and I worry that maybe she is not a very nice person sometimes. Both my mother and her mother became very nasty women when their guards were down and I am riddled with fear that someday my kids will feel the lash of my tongue unfairly....
This struck home today and seemed to fit with my other thoughts....
I agree that this floating sculpture packs a tremendous punch! There is a sequence of pictures here -- and you can see more of the artist's works at http://www.julienberthier.org
CEOExpress
For years, I described myself as a "foul weather friend". Why? Because people tend to turn to me when there are problems, looking for solace, support and even solutions -- but when things get better for them, I don't hear from them any more. I thought it was the opposite a "fair weather friend", instead of being someone who was only around when things were going well, I got to be around when things were going poorly. It used to really bother me that folks didn't seem to mind sharing the dismal part of their lives but then failed to share the sunshine. But in a way, I found it flattering and it met my need to be needed even if I didn't understand why I wasn't necessary when things were going well. 
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and the economic recovery stalls with it.
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