Carol H Tucker Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan
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beladona Memorial Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...
I can remember the exact occasion that I found out I had one. I was sitting in a counselor's office at Towson [back then it was Towson State, not TSU] and crying because my mother and I had another one of our horrible soul-dissecting battles and there wasn't much left of my shivering ego, so I had crawled into this poor woman's office to have someone to boohoo at. I was going on and on about the expectations of my family, of my mother, what she said... And the counselor asked me: but what do you want? My head snapped up, the tears stopped and I rather forcibly stated MY expectations. She didn't have to say a thing after that, the session was over. Two weeks later I left my mother's house and never went back.
I can remember the exact occasion that I learned flicking the "done" switch was an irrevocable choice.
My first husband was not handsome -- he was short, skinny and had a back covered with moles. But he was a great kisser and even though he hurt me when I lost my virginity, I was wildly in love with him and loved making love... One night we had a horrible fight, I don't remember what precipitated it. I do remember him standing with his back to me and stating that he thought I wanted him for stud service. I looked at him and laughed and told him not to worry, I wasn't all THAT enamored of his wonderful physique. I turned away from him, all desire lost and we turned out the light... Yes we had sex in later days, except the desire never came back. The switch had been flicked "off" and off it stayed. We were separated and divorced a year later.
And the done switch has been used on me
I once had a girl friend who invited me to lunch after about a year of "trying to stay in touch". She very nicely pointed out to me that friendships did not always last forever, and that I was particularly bullheaded in not taking "gentle hints". She was not at all happy about having to formally "break up" with me, declined to go into the details of her decision, and suggested strongly that I work on being able to accept rejection. Not sure I ever learned that lesson -- which of course means that life has considerately provided me with more opportunities for education! I have not learned how not to blame myself or how not to try and force closure. I have learned not to acquire bitterness and am working on indifference, which is the true opposite of love/affection, neh?
As the years passed, I came to a couple of basic conclusions:
We each are the sum product of the choices that we have made. I have no regrets and no apologies for how I have lived my life and I don't expect anyone else to feel as though they have to justify how they have lived their lives, not to me and not to anyone else.
I am fascinated by people who are different than me, who have stories to tell. I ask questions. I try to be supportive, not intrusive; a friend or lover, not a fan. I find it easier to listen than to talk about myself; I respond to need.
Trust is a choice that needs must be made every day. I choose to trust my friends; I work very hard to be trustworthy.
quote of the day: "Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears." -- Marcus Aurelius
Not all relationships are good for you, even ones with people you like, and sometimes you just have to move on. There is no easy way to end a relationship of any kind. Done is done -- perhaps it is not the breaking up, but the letting go that is hard to do, Neil....
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