Carol H Tucker Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan
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beladona Memorial Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...
For years, I described myself as a "foul weather friend". Why? Because people tend to turn to me when there are problems, looking for solace, support and even solutions -- but when things get better for them, I don't hear from them any more. I thought it was the opposite a "fair weather friend", instead of being someone who was only around when things were going well, I got to be around when things were going poorly. It used to really bother me that folks didn't seem to mind sharing the dismal part of their lives but then failed to share the sunshine. But in a way, I found it flattering and it met my need to be needed even if I didn't understand why I wasn't necessary when things were going well.
In the discussion with Dannah, which was some months ago, she pointed out that wasn't a very flattering term, and as a result, I actually GOOGLED it. What I read really troubled me, made me question the value of what I was doing. I do not and did not enjoy hearing about other's woes in order to make me feel better about myself and my life. That discussion still haunts me -- why do I become a listener? Why do I try and stay in touch with those who seem to need me but fail to be in touch when their load ligthens? Is it a martyr complex? I am not an emotional vampire, but do I appear to be one to others? Why do I care? And what does it mean to me when someone turns away from me because I cannot give them what they need?
This gets mixed up and mixed in with reflections about what my purpose in life is and questions on whether or not I have accomplished it. Kit once told me that perhaps she had already filled her purpose just by happening to give a piece of paper to someone that changed their lives. Frank once told me that he wondered if his whole purpose was to have been there and saved the life of the 21 year old girl one tragic night on the Baltimore Beltway. What was my purpose in being here? Is it over and done with and I am just living out the term of my days?
And the last part of the reflection/question: not that long ago, I was a restless soul, always having to DO something, never still, never a "stay at home" person but always out and about. Weekends were BORING if there wasn't a craft show or a movie, or go walk around the mall, or go out and take a drive, or go for a walk, or call a friend, or find something to DO and somewhere to GO.... Yesterday I had off from work, and after I finished with the car maintenance it was only 10:30AM -- plenty of time to do something.... Ideas occurred to me and not one appealed. So I went home.
Lately I have been choosing to just stay home a lot, and do nothing, sitting and petting the cat and reading. I don't even sew or embroider anymore when I watch TV. I thought it was because I have been depressed, but it has occurred to me that perhaps I am just... done. Done rushing around. Done listening to troubles. Done struggling not to be invisible. Maybe I should be grateful for what I have at this point, accept what is for what it is instead of dwelling on what it isn't. Maybe I just need to relax -- and be quiet. Certainly life seems to be presenting me with that challenge -- health, finances, relationships are all pointing in that direction.
"You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts; And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime." -- Kahil Gibran, The Prophet
All my long life, I have been a talker, a questioner. Can I learn to be still? Without withering away or vegetating or stagnating? I LIKED the image of me as a sprite, as one who strives and dances with doubts, as a survivor. Can I learn to be quiet and to like it, even celebrate it?
To quote Bilbo Baggins, "It is no bad thing to celebrate a quiet life."
CEOExpress
For years, I described myself as a "foul weather friend". Why? Because people tend to turn to me when there are problems, looking for solace, support and even solutions -- but when things get better for them, I don't hear from them any more. I thought it was the opposite a "fair weather friend", instead of being someone who was only around when things were going well, I got to be around when things were going poorly. It used to really bother me that folks didn't seem to mind sharing the dismal part of their lives but then failed to share the sunshine. But in a way, I found it flattering and it met my need to be needed even if I didn't understand why I wasn't necessary when things were going well. 
