Carol H Tucker Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan
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beladona Memorial Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...
Oh! I don’t mean the ringing in the ears, although yes I have that too, I am talking about the low hum of a tape that plays in the back of your mind. Sometimes it is just a quiet whrrrrr, sometimes it shouts so loud that you cannot hear others around you. It drones on and on, and can be especially annoying at 3am in the morning when you have awoken for some reason and are desperately trying to go back to sleep for a couple of hours. It never has nice things to say, not about you, not about others in your life, not about events, not about the world in general. It is an annoying combo of worry about the little things, a running commentary on stuff, and usually some pretty harsh self-judgments. Examples?
Glad I reported the leak starting out in the hall by the elevator. Worried that they will shut off the A/C to do the repairs though
Why haven’t I heard from ______________ [friend, or family or love interest]
The new lights in the garage at work seem so dim! Will I feel safe walking out here when the sun is going down earlier? Maybe I should park closer – wait there is the building maintenance man, I’ll ask him. Oh no, he thinks I’m whining.
Do I really look as fat as I feel in this top? And this jewelry just doesn’t work as well as I thought it would with this outfit
Bossman closed his door and is discussing personnel matters – am I in trouble?
Oh it is clouding over, will I make it home before it rains? [or snows or whatever depending on the season].
I’d like to think it is just that this mirror is unflattering, but maybe I am just plain.
THE PAST – yeah in capital letters. Choices made, choices lived with, friends and loves lost. No regrets, but OMG the questions of would’ve, should’ve, could’ve
How am I going to get everything done?
I forgot. They [co-worker, friend, family] remembered. OMG, is this the beginning, am I getting Alzheimer’s?
What if I get sick?
How am I going to pay for _______ [vacation, car, tech, clothing, whatever]
Why is someone calling my cell phone and not leaving a message?
If I decide not to worry about something and stop thinking about it, is it lurking in the background so that I am worrying about it anyway?
Why doesn’t this background droning say all kinds of cheerful stuff? Does this mean I am depressed?
Is my older cat okay being by himself all day? What if he isn’t relaxing and happy, what if he is depressed and lonely or in pain and I don’t know it?
Why do people keep following me and then un-following on Twitter? G+? Facebook? Pinterest? Is it something I am saying or not saying?
Now do I consciously stew about these things? Nope, and if they bubble up to the top of my consciousness I dismiss them and quash the impetus of stewing or over-thinking [admittedly sometimes with more success than others]. But the ease and constancy of their appearance, including the quick way I was able to make a list for this blog post, indicates that the background murmur is always lurking there, ready to surge forward and overwhelm me at any time.
I need a reboot, methinks…. Is there an app for that?
CEOExpress
