Carol H Tucker Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan
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beladona Memorial Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...
I used to care quickly, easily, passionately. I threw myself into causes, into relationships, into ideas, into hobbies, spending my emotions, my time, my energy with reckless abandon. I shimmered, like a sprite.
I used to babble like a brook, an ongoing stream of consciousness sharing my perceptions of the world around me. It was pretty desperate at times for I knew that I never could see the world precisely as someone else did, and I assumed that everyone was as deeply troubled about it as I was – and that if I shared, then others would too.
Years passed and seasons turned. I learned to ration my resources, allocating the intensity where I wished to concentrate. Sometimes I was fortunate enough to have the focus returned and I basked in the resulting renewal. I learned that sharing was often a one way street, and relationships with conditions were desiccated, while unconditional relationship were ephemeral.
And somewhere in the welter of life’s lessons, I seem to have lost or somehow buried that part of myself that sang and danced, the vibe and verve, the willingness to boldly go forth and pay the costs with a smile. In its place has come silence, a weariness of the spirit, a darkening of the heart – and an intense fear of the universe’s indifference, a nagging haunting conviction that “I” don’t matter. I do not like this dulled version of “me” but I haven’t figured out what to do to change it yet.
Today is the kind of day when you thought you put on dark navy blue pants and when you get outside in the light, they are black – with blue shoes. Good thing it is Friday AND payday!
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