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Carol H Tucker

Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan

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beladona Memorial

Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...


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RIP

Yesterday there was news of an action by the President, improbably named Executive Order Reducing Poverty in America by Promoting Opportunity and Economic Mobility, that basically labelled all assistance “welfare” and proclaimed that all “able-boded” adults would be required to work.  And I thought of my cousin Dougy.

If you looked at this man you would see a former body builder who had kept his frame relatively well with strong arms and broad shoulders.  He had a shock of blond hair [assisted with a bit of peroxide], bright blue eyes and a healthy tan.   If you were told that this man was on SSI and getting disability?  You would be appalled and righteous anger would well up.  Except…..

Dougy was a superb athlete in school, a star lacrosse player who was offered scholarships to college, but had no interest in advanced schooling.  He happily went to work in construction, playing semi- pro lacrosse, doing his share of carousing.  He was all set to be the kind of blue-collar male that abounded in the area I grew up in [east Baltimore County, MD] – hard working, hard playing, eventually raising a family….   Until one day at work a ladder collapsed and he fell three stories and broke his back.    The doctors were able to repair the break, but they couldn’t fix the damage.   The company offered him an annuity or a one-time disbusrsment as a settlement, and he took the money.  And the problems started because he couldn’t work.  He could benchpress weights, but couldn’t lift anything over a certain amount so physical jobs were out of the question.  He couldn’t sit or stand for any amount of time so office or retail work was out of the question.  And he was in continual pain, which worsened as the years passed, going from doctor to doctor seeking relief then escape in drugs.  The settlement money ran out and he went on disability.  Dougy looked the part of an “able-bodied” man, but he simply wasn’t and without the safety net,  I don’t know how he or the family would’ve been able to cope.  With all the talk of an “opioid crisis” the pain medications that he needed just to face the day were becoming more difficult to get and their price was increasing – at 59 there didn’t seem to be a lot of options for him other than disability.    

And Tuesday night, he laid down to try and get some sleep and never woke back up.

Like all of us Dougy had flaws and his journey caused much heartbreak and dissension in the family that cannot be ignored as they grieve, as the extended family grieves.  He is the first of my cousins, my generation of the family, to die – I am the oldest of the group and his sister is the younges and our ages span a decade and a half.  We were never “close” but learning that he is gone has filled me with grief – and deep sympathy for his siblings who just lost their mother and his father who at 90 must bury his son.  And  I will always remember my cousin as he was in those golden years – perfectly content with his place on the wheel of life and enjoying it with zest. 
 
 
 
Good-bye Dougy

Permalink | Thursday, April 12, 2018