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Carol H Tucker

Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan

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beladona Memorial

Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...

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my side of the story VS yours

Today is the 3rd day of the 19th week, the 7th day of the 5th month, the 127th day of 2019, and: 
  • Beaufort Scale Day -- a scale for measuring wind speeds, based on observation rather than actual accurate measurement and it is the most widely used system to measure wind speed today. It was developed in 1805 by Francis Beaufort, an officer of the Royal Navy and first officially used by HMS Beagle.
  • Childhood Depression Awareness Day
  • Cystinosis Awareness Day
  • Design Packaging Day
  • Foster Care Day
  • National Barrier Awareness Day
  • National Concert Day
  • National Cosmopolitan Day – celebrating a cocktail [AKA a cosmo] made with vodka, triple sec [a strong, sweet and colorless orange-flavored liqueur], cranberry juice, and freshly squeezed or sweetened lime juice.
  • National Roast Leg of Lamb Day
  • National Teacher Day
  • National Tourism Day
  • Paste Up Day
  • Poem on Your Pillow Day
  • World Asthma Day
Quote of the day:
"I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions."
~ Stephen Covey (1932 - 2012), American educator, author, businessman, and keynote speaker

Had a friend tell me this past week that they had an opportunity to sit down and chat with my first ex [my son’s father], and in the course of the conversation, he explained to them how he had to leave his first wife [which was me].  Now my recollection is that I was the one who left him, but the change in story didn’t surprise me.  Why not?  Well right off the bat, I can tell you  it all happened 46+ ago, and to be quite honest, after all that time I only hold rather vague memories of the actual sequence of events, and I’ll bet his memory is equally blurred.   But more important than time and emotions is that I have learned through the years perception and self-image often overwrites dry fact.  It is hard to get at the objective “truth” because one’s perceptions of what happened, one’s opinions of the other party, and one’s concept of oneself keep getting in the way.   There is a huge temptation to look at what happened and say to yourself “but that isn’t at all like me” and to start unconsciously editing in your mind, structuring your narrative to fit what you know you meant.  Neither my first husband or my second hesitated at all to make me out to be a very toxic person and to loudly express that opinion to anyone, including my kids.

No I wasn’t surprised his narrative differed from mine.  What surprised me was the ripple of anger I felt at that difference  I thought I had let go completely of those two relationships and just plain didn’t care anymore what either of them thought!  The fact that I reacted at all to his statement, and that I had to bite my tongue to keep from inquiring what exactly he told my friend means to me that somehow, I have not truly achieved indifference even though I thought I had.  It is because he is my ex?  Or is it because I have allowed my identity to only be clear to me by other’s reactions to me?  Now that is an interesting question – who are we?  Am I the person I see in the mirror, the person who’s faults and foibles I know all to well to the point where sometimes I have to remind myself of my virtues?  Or am I the person that others see, shaped by their perceptions?  Should those two points of view be similar?   I know from personal experience that the weight of others’ expectations and perceptions can warp one’s behavior – when it happens, does that change who I am really?  Then again? 


But my avatar is me as well, so I guess I need to keep pondering on my identity

0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink | Tuesday, May 7, 2019