Carol H Tucker Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan
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beladona Memorial Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...
One of the slippery notions of our online lives is that of friendship. When you come right down to it, it is slippery in what is euphemistically known as "real life" [RL], neh? But add the online component, mix in social networking, and you have a blurring of roles that can be tricky to navigate both socially and emotionally. There are those that you have very strong ties to and those that you have weak ties to -- and they in turn have strong ties and weak ties....
Lets start with RL:
How many friends do you have?
That isn't an easy question to answer is it?
Like many people, I have many folks that I have associated with through the years and in different roles -- neighbors, family friends, kids I went to school with, those that I met through church, club members, people I have worked with, those I met while speaking. etc etc and so forth. Some of them I know a lot about, some of them I recognize. There are a lot of people I am "friendly with" that I would not call "friends". I tend to be pretty chary about the label "friend" on the whole in RL, not counting the folks who's friendship is situational [eg those who are chummy when you are working with them but then not so much when you are not]. Right now? I know I have three people that I would definitely call friends in RL
How long do you stay friends?
This one is a bit of a puzzler to me. Once I trust someone to be a friend, why would I stop being that? But there have been people who have drifted out of my life that I thought were friends, and I don't know what to say to them anymore.
How do you make friends?
Beats me! I used to say that I found it easier to talk to men rather then women, but the only friends that have stuck through the years are female. And there are people that really interest me and I want to form a relationship with them and they don't seem to be interested in that level of engagement with me.
And of those friends, how many do you actually know?
Another tough question, neh? What do you want to know about the people you call friends and what do you want them to know about you?
I was told several years ago by a woman with whom I was becoming very friendly through work that I was a difficult person to be around, to be friendly with because when I was interested in them, it was almost as though the boundary between "them" and "me' got fuzzy -- I seemed to want to know everything! That is something I never forgot and it has actually hobbled me in a way because I discourage very easily, seeing rejection quickly and shutting down.
What do you expect from your friends and what can they expect from you?
Well I expect to know and be known.
I expect to be able to give support: used to call myself a "foul weather friend" but I don't think the current online definitions fit what that meant to me. Had a person tell me once that if she had an emergency, I was one of the first people she would think to call for help and I like that. I have been known as a person who gives support and encouragement when times are tough, but I seem to be around less when times get good.
I expect to be able to socialize with, hang out with, get invited to do things with my friends, getting and giving attention.
So, I have established a couple different criteria, neh? When it comes to "is this person my friend", I have talked in terms of:
level of association -- how close is s/he to me?
depth of engagement -- how much do I know about her/him and how much does s/he know about me?
sharing -- giving and receiving support, being present
Now how does this apply to those folks that I have only met online? Stay tuned!
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