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Carol H Tucker

Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan

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beladona Memorial

Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...

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bad dreams

I had nightmare Friday night that is haunting me
Context:  In Second Life, you can buy pets.  Some of them can be picked up and put back into your inventory, then taken out without any harm done.  Some will break [read die] if you pick them up once they are rezzed out.  In this dream?  I had my two granddaughters, their grandfather and my ex-husband [who they have never met], and his mother all interreacting with each other and me. 
The girls had wanted to give their grandfather a present for his birthday [which is coming up next month], so I took them shopping.  They decided to buy two little kittens, who were in a plastic container, apparently in stasis.  We got the kitties home, and then I opened the plastic and let them out to make sure they were okay.  They were adorable, of course, and the girls played with them for over an hour.  Then I picked them up one at a time, and put the two lively little pets back in their containers, where they immediately curled up and went to sleep.  I closed the containers on them, and helped the girls wrap them up.  Time passed.  It was the day of his birthday and time to find the presents.  At first I didn’t remember where I hid them, but then realized I had put the wrapped packages at the bottom of the wardrobe.  As I pulled them out, the rather badly wrapped presents started unraveling.  I asked the youngest granddaughter to bring me some tape, but got frustrated with her when she brought a bandage instead, so she was sulking that I wasn’t using what she brought.  My ex-mother-in-law came in with tape and gave it to me and the girls started excitedly chattering about how their grandfather would love his present….  But when I picked up the one package to tape it again, I realized it was wet underneath with what smelled like cat urine.  I checked the other one – the same.  And with a wave of horror, I looked at those two packages and knew those cute little helpless kittens had died alone and in the darkness when I put them back in their containers….  I looked up – the woman understood what was happening and sneered at me as I turned to the two girls, unable to think of what to say….

I woke up at that point, and all I could think about was those two innocent lives I had thoughtlessly taken out of carelessness, failure to read the instructions I guess.  .The image of the bottom of that soaked wrapped package and the wave of horror haunt me, and I mourn over the trauma those little kittens must’ve endured.  And now I ask myself, what does it mean?  Am I suffering pangs of guilt and/or regret for my past actions?  Is this my spirit crying out to me to make amends to the universe while I still can?  I’ve been cataloging my sins for two days now and it’s pretty depressing. I had always thought of myself as a good person….
Permalink | Monday, November 7, 2022