Carol H Tucker Passionate about knowledge management and organizational development, expert in loan servicing, virtual world denizen and community facilitator, and a DISNEY fan
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beladona Memorial Be warned:in this very rich environment where you can immerse yourself so completely, your emotions will become engaged -- and not everyone is cognizant of that. Among the many excellent features of SL, there is no auto-return on hearts, so be wary of where your's wanders...
Sooner or later in your 2nd Life, whether it is in a group or in a virtual world such as Second Life, you are going to be asked this question about who and where you are in what we so laughingly call real life [or analog existence or meat space, if you are trying to be all hip and stuff]. Described by the Urban Dictionary as the “mating call of the barely post-pubescent teenager”, it is considered a rather rude question, so most do their screening by asking the same question with more subtleness, but with the same need to know.
Location: This can be a very valid concern and isn’t always a “hey can we meet up” request, although if someone is searching in their 2nd life for a permanent connection, it can be. While our 2nd lives have enabled us to create connections around the world, it cannot erase the impact of people living in different time zones. I have been partnered with someone who lived in England, and the difference between GMT and EST is five hours – except for a week in the spring and fall when they are off Daylight Savings Time and we are still on it. That gap can be a relationship inhibiter. When he got up in the morning, I was asleep. When I got up in the morning, he was at work. When he got off from work, I was still at work. When I got home from work, he was about to call it a day. We stayed together for a year, and then we were done.
Sex: I have been known to answer this one with a simple “yes” or “no”, but the person asking wants to know what gender you are “really”. Usually this indicates that you are dealing with someone who is worried about dealing with a man masquerading as a woman or a female posing as a man. This can be a tough question for those who are DID – do you tell the person what gender the host body is or the alter? And what if you are transgender and wish to present yourself as your desired gender rather than your current one, how do you reply? Many people become pansexual, feeling that love and intimacy in our 2nd lives [and that might spill over into the “first” life as well, although it might not] are not dependent on which genitalia your partner possesses. Pixel porn aside, most of the sex online is dependent on words – your ability to form an intense connection with your partner by emoting. Your minds and imaginations are connecting, and that gives rise to an entire group of people who claim sapeiosexuality – being turned on physically by intellect rather than visualizations. Although I tend to have female avatars, and really am hopeless with the one male alt that I have, I strongly identify with that latter group – it is all about your beautiful mind.
Age: Wanting to know how old you are in your first life when you are interacting with someone in their 2nd Life. There are some good reasons to verify that the person you are with is not a minor, neh? Sometimes there are cultural gaps that loom ahead due to different life experiences as well, and it may be a good idea to be aware of that possibility. Beyond that, this question is a clear indication that someone does not want to be intimate with you if you are half their age or old enough to be their parental unit. Now, to my mind, if we have connected, if we resonate with each other, enjoy spending time together, laugh in the same language, our age does not make any difference, just as our physical appearance is irrelevant. Not everyone agrees, however, and yes I have been rejected on that basis alone.
So answering anyone of these three questions can stop an aborning relationship cold. On my part? I have asked about time zones after my experience with the one partner – it isn’t a bar but it is something to be aware of as expectations are established. I can honestly say that I have never screened on the basis of gender or age.
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